more than who we are

"Here’s to the time
The good and the bad
Here’s to the ones you never forget
Here’s to the year that we had"
-New Year's Resolutions (Graham Colton)

i think i live too much of my life living in the past. i like to reminisce a lot about things from chapters of my life that ended long ago. i don't know why i still hang onto memories and feelings as if everything were still the same as before, like time stopped for me to grow up and when i went back i thought it was still supposed to be just the way i left it but of course it's not. people have become different, friends grow apart, break ups occur and we learn our lessons and it helps us shape who we are. i should be closing the book on my life in the music industry and start thinking about the journey i'm about to embark on that will start an entire new section of my life. high school is over, college is over, life as we used to know it...is over.

i'll be in a new country where i am the "fob" and the foreigner that people talk crap about and stare at. i'll be a teacher to many many students, i'll be a friend keeping in touch and sending gifts from afar, i'll be growing in ways that i never imagined possible. but in order to start that, i have to let go of the past.

"Now yesterday is too far away
It’s the end of the road
Let it go"
-Let it Go (Graham Colton)

the good ol' days when every weekend was spent in hollywood venues listening to am radio or trapt play live, when dinner at shakey's with rivers and holding his cell phone was the highlight of my year, when flying out to virginia for a concert and greyhounding it to the next one was actually the stupidest thing i've done to date, when driving to sherman oaks to get guitar lessons was all i could look forward to, when falling in love didn't break your heart, when all your dreams and aspirations seemed possible because i was at a naive young age, when a mere thank you line in a cd made me smile for days....sooo many things from the past still flood my head from time to time and many times i wonder if i'll ever be that excited again, if i'll fall in love again, if i'll see "him" again, if anyone would call me to ask if i got guitar hero yet, if anyone would bring me tea at work, if my heart would stop hurting, if i'll grow up and be successful...i need to stop that and grasp onto what i have now rather than reliving the past.

the next chapter: moving on...the road to bigger and better things

"And even though the moment passed me by
I still can't turn away
'Cause all the dreams you never thought you'd lose
Got tossed along the way
And letters that you never meant to send
Get lost or thrown away"
-Name (Goo Goo Dolls)

"And scars are souvenirs you never lose

The past is never far
Did you lose yourself somewhere out there
Did you get to be a star
And don't it make you sad to know that life
Is more than who we are"