chasing the light: visions of eternity

sometimes i lay in bed listening to the wind blow through the chimes hanging outside the window and think of all the things we don't really get to appreciate on a day to day basis. the gentle ocean breeze against your face as you walk along the beach, sand between your toes, scent of sea salt in your nose, and the feeling that there is so much more to life than our 9-5 jobs. curling up in bed reading a great book, laying on the grass at the top of the hill in order to watch the stars sparkle in the sky. (not that you can actually enjoy this in LA but...not the point) i think in our fast paced world, we don't really take any time to enjoy ourselves and chase after our dreams. we're always worried about what we have to do next. but generally we don't do it for ourselves, we do it because other people want us to, it looks more impressive on paper, it's the only way to make a lot of money, etc... high school --> college --> graduate school --> career/marriage --> kids --> their education and so on...when do we ever stop? i mean just stop!!! take a break. do something fun!

"Whose to know if your soul will fade at all
The one you sold to fool the world
You lose your self-esteem along the way
Good god, you're coming up with reasons
Good god, you're dragging it out
Good god, it's the changing of the seasons..."

enjoy the company of friends, have some coffee and talk about anything without worrying about whether the other person is bored. currently i am at a point in my life where i know i have to go and do something big. i am tired of the monotony of every day life, and worrying about the life my parents want me to lead. i want to see the world, i want to take the time to appreciate everything. i hate filling my voids with expensive things i can't really afford, which is why i just want to leave everything and go.

"Fake it if your out of direction
Fake it if you don't belong
Fake it if you feel like affection
Whoa, your such a fucking hypocrite"

and when i come back, i want to finally chase the dream i gave up when i got into Berkeley...the idea that there could be something other than just routine, crunching numbers, science majors, medical school, pharmacy applications, LSATs, MCATs, PHDs, and focus on something i enjoy doing. music cures everything for me, it's something that helps me reflect, scream to, cry to, relate to, and feel like someone out there has felt the same thing before. sometimes there are just perfect lyrics that you find brings you out of the rut you never thought you could get up from and it feels great. i have a dream i want to chase and after korea i hope that i'll have figured out if it is really what i want from life or if i'm just a fucking hypocrite.

"You should know that the lies won't hide your flaws
No sense in hiding all of yours
You gave up on your dreams along the way
Good god, you're coming up with reasons
Good god, you're dragging it out
Good god, it's the changing of the seasons
It feels so great, so follow me down and just...fake it."
-Fake It (Seether)