panic attacks

"...are sudden surges of overwhelming fear

that comes without warning and without any obvious reason."

my mom had a panic attack earlier tonight...that's why i'm awake at 5am. it is not only debilitating to her, but it is debilitating to me as well. i'm tired, cranky, and worried. i don't see what she's so anxious about because seriously...she has no real worries. everyday she's paranoid about getting a heart attack when really it's what is causing her panic attacks that seem like heart attacks because of the shortness of breath. the fear of having a heart attack only fuels the panic attacks and then the vicious cycle never ends! meaning i will never have a good night's sleep until she learns to stop worrying about stupid stuff. i fear i have her anxiousness and her paranoid delusions. damn her and her crazy. damn crazy and its genetic predisposition!

"hold on i feel like i'm getting ready for a breakdown
i don't know why.
i'm not crazy i'm just a little unwell
i know, right now you can't tell
but stay awhile maybe then you'll see
a different side of me"
-Unwell (Matchbox 20)