" Who will be there for youComfort and care for you
Learn to be lonely
Learn to be your one companion"
Learn to be lonely
Learn to be your one companion"
blood boils and it feels like the hairs on the back of your neck just start to stand. it doesn't matter what we're doing, but somehow we manage to get into an going to choose a place outside of living in my house sometimes feels like the stage for some horribly scripted drama. everyone'sargument about it. i think i'mseoul for work because i really need to do some soul searching. i may even start compiling a book of short stories. i am still feeling as lost as ever, i started looking at some books on korean today and a fear crept in me. this always happens when the spontaneity goes away. i begin to look rationally at something and i hate that. i like doing what i want when i want to. i like the impulsive decisions i make and i like not knowing what there is to expect from life. it makes everything more exciting. work is beginning to become dull but the money is good so i'm not complaining. i just really can't see my life in 10 years from now. what should i be doing?
"Never dreamed out in the world
There are arms to hold you
You’ve always known your heart was on its own
Learn to be lonely
i feel really lonely sometimes because although i have friends, i feel like we're all too busy to really get involved with each other's lives. we're just...going through the motions of social interaction and we're all too involved with ourselves to really care. i mean even my sister...i hardly see her, the last time i did she was mostly thinking about how to cater to her husband. that's another thing, why have all the people i know vanished because of their significant others? i guess when i get into my own relationship (if that will ever happen) i will disappear too. just because i want them to know how it feels when everything i do has to cater to my significant other rather than the person you are talking to or you are hanging out with. i think this move out to korea will be good for me. i think it's a good idea to get myself into a different culture so i don't have the comforts of the familiar. familiarity can be a very bad thing because slowly my caustic personality will destroy the friendships i try to hold on to so dearly.
my mom says it's because i can do things for myself, and because i am straightforward and sometimes caustic that i will never find a boyfriend. she seems to think that if i become some weak little girl (which i can never look like btw) that it'll be the only way for someone to ever be interested in me. i think the reason why i held on so long to my last tethered relationship was because he didn't care what i wore, how i looked, and if i'm caustic or straightforward. he didn't care that i liked video games or liked buying dvds instead of pretty clothes. but i guess that was all a lie too. that was the real reason he had meant the world to me, and i watched helplessly as it crumbled in front of me.
maybe when i come back from korea i'll feel like i finally figured enough of myself out to be able to look into the mirror and not want to punch the reflection staring dully back at me. it's always important to love yourself before you can expect anyone else to...too bad it's impossible for me to ever love myself.
"Never dreamed out in the world
There are arms to hold you
You’ve always known your heart was on its own
Learn to be lonely
Life can be lived life can be loved alone"
i feel really lonely sometimes because although i have friends, i feel like we're all too busy to really get involved with each other's lives. we're just...going through the motions of social interaction and we're all too involved with ourselves to really care. i mean even my sister...i hardly see her, the last time i did she was mostly thinking about how to cater to her husband. that's another thing, why have all the people i know vanished because of their significant others? i guess when i get into my own relationship (if that will ever happen) i will disappear too. just because i want them to know how it feels when everything i do has to cater to my significant other rather than the person you are talking to or you are hanging out with. i think this move out to korea will be good for me. i think it's a good idea to get myself into a different culture so i don't have the comforts of the familiar. familiarity can be a very bad thing because slowly my caustic personality will destroy the friendships i try to hold on to so dearly.
my mom says it's because i can do things for myself, and because i am straightforward and sometimes caustic that i will never find a boyfriend. she seems to think that if i become some weak little girl (which i can never look like btw) that it'll be the only way for someone to ever be interested in me. i think the reason why i held on so long to my last tethered relationship was because he didn't care what i wore, how i looked, and if i'm caustic or straightforward. he didn't care that i liked video games or liked buying dvds instead of pretty clothes. but i guess that was all a lie too. that was the real reason he had meant the world to me, and i watched helplessly as it crumbled in front of me.
maybe when i come back from korea i'll feel like i finally figured enough of myself out to be able to look into the mirror and not want to punch the reflection staring dully back at me. it's always important to love yourself before you can expect anyone else to...too bad it's impossible for me to ever love myself.
"so you're gone and I'm haunted
I'll bet you are just fine
did I make it that easy to walk
right in and out of my life?
goodbye my almost lover
goodbye my hopeless dream
I'm trying not to think about you
can't you just let me be
so long my luckless romance
my back is turned on you
should have known you'd bring me heartache
almost lovers always do"
I'll bet you are just fine
did I make it that easy to walk
right in and out of my life?
goodbye my almost lover
goodbye my hopeless dream
I'm trying not to think about you
can't you just let me be
so long my luckless romance
my back is turned on you
should have known you'd bring me heartache
almost lovers always do"
No comments:
Post a Comment