a moment of weakness broke the dam of tears i've held in for months now. seriously when people say can't live with them and can't live without them, i think they were all referring to their mothers. my mom is a crazy lady who hates going to the doctors even if something doesn't feel right. she doesn't take her medicine and likes to bitch and moan about her health. same thing goes for the dogs...she won't take them to the vet either. one of my dogs is allergic to everything and goes into anaphylactic shock or is epileptic...not sure which one, one has a cone on because she just got spayed and the last one is an 11 year old dog with a few tumors and a mad temper. also he has really bad ear infections in which my mom proceeds to "clean" for him with water. (why why why are uneducated people so ignorant? what happened to the common sense? did it slip out of her head one day while she was sleeping? where is the logic?) one day this house will drive me crazy, i will not be able to control my anger and run away forever. a one way ticket to somewhere far far away from sick dogs, and crazy moms where i can relax, bartend, ride my motorcycle, and do everything i want to do. seriously though...today i cried for like half and hour with those uncontrollable sobs in between. i felt like i was 5 again and my mom yelled at me for breaking the vase. but i know it will get better...i just don't know when. i hate drowning and not knowing when i'll reach the shore or if there will be buoy to guide my way, or lighthouses. but if not...i guess i'm on my own.
1 comment:
life has an endless amount of shit and it is YOUR CHOICE how you deal with it. you can let it drown you or use it as a means to make you stronger. the shit DOESN'T EVER go away and people don't ever stop being people, but you only have this lifetime to do and be everything you want to be. i rather have lived a life knowing I tried instead of wasting it by worrying about what others might think of me. there's really no one to stop you from doing what you want, but yourself. if your mom was so against all the things you did, how did you get to do it anyways? it was probably because you made the choice to do the things that made you happy, regardless of the opposition.if you did it in the past, what's stopping you now?
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