cornerstone

it's about 5:50 in the morning and my roommate comes in a little hesitant. he sits down, and he's almost shaking. he's like..."i lost something today." i'm like "you lost your virginity." he doesn't say anything. about 5 min. later i asked, who was it. he tells me, i look her up on facebook and he's like she's cute but you might say something about her teeth. he emphasizes her body being nice and her teeth being ok. later on he says i had a little performance anxiety. hahahahaha why is this sooo funny? "i've kept my virginity for a long time..." i *giggle*. i told him this is how it should have gone down.

you walk in, you sit down and you say. "hey guess what? i fucked some chick tonight"
i say "oh really? who was she?"
you say "some hot wushu chick"

so then he says ok let's redue this. he walks out of my room, he walks in and tries this, however i'm giggling too hard. this has to be the most amusing thing i've heard in a long time.

collateral damage

it's great to know that when i'm serious about something, i am not scared of pain. hahaha...hopefully it'll be better by tomorrow so i can try it again. this it from trying to catch a flipping bottle on the back of my hand.

nose dives and feeling on top of the world...

my summer has been a whirlwind of excitement...NOT! i spent the last month at home relaxing, and it was great up until about this last week when everything went to hell. i have no idea what happened but the happy feeling i had slipped right through the cracks. i think maybe it was because i had bartending class for 2 weeks. i'd have to say probably one of the best consecutive 2 weeks i've had in a very long time. i want to delve deeper into the details but i have to run...time to go up north.

it was like pompeii...minus the dead bodies

a moment of weakness broke the dam of tears i've held in for months now. seriously when people say can't live with them and can't live without them, i think they were all referring to their mothers. my mom is a crazy lady who hates going to the doctors even if something doesn't feel right. she doesn't take her medicine and likes to bitch and moan about her health. same thing goes for the dogs...she won't take them to the vet either. one of my dogs is allergic to everything and goes into anaphylactic shock or is epileptic...not sure which one, one has a cone on because she just got spayed and the last one is an 11 year old dog with a few tumors and a mad temper. also he has really bad ear infections in which my mom proceeds to "clean" for him with water. (why why why are uneducated people so ignorant? what happened to the common sense? did it slip out of her head one day while she was sleeping? where is the logic?) one day this house will drive me crazy, i will not be able to control my anger and run away forever. a one way ticket to somewhere far far away from sick dogs, and crazy moms where i can relax, bartend, ride my motorcycle, and do everything i want to do. seriously though...today i cried for like half and hour with those uncontrollable sobs in between. i felt like i was 5 again and my mom yelled at me for breaking the vase. but i know it will get better...i just don't know when. i hate drowning and not knowing when i'll reach the shore or if there will be buoy to guide my way, or lighthouses. but if not...i guess i'm on my own.

so far out of reach...

i know no one this hot exists in the world that i live in...but it's nice to look at. as for the world that i live in...apparently no one would want me anyway. every time there is someone cute, they're looking at my friends, never at me. doesn't seem like there's anything in this world i can really get. only good news in the past week was the i passed my bartending class with flying colors. 98% written, 102% speed test, 12 drinks in 5:30 min. sometimes i want to cry, but sometimes it feels like everything is so far out of reach. i can't wait till i can find a job bartending, i hope i do a great job and get well known because so far that seems to be the only thing i can do right. if i can't even do that...then what else am i good for?

but for now, i can only dream...

the final days of college

it seems that it never occurred to me how sad i would actually be when the day came that our apt. would split up and go our own separate ways. of course it was something that i knew was inevitable and looming, but now i realize that it is just around the corner. pH is moving out about the time i am going back up and 2 weeks after ari is leaving too. the empty apt. of all the memories made will fade into just a short portion of our 20 some odd years of life. a very insignificant piece of our lives that will be forgotten shortly after the real world sweeps us off our feet and into the turbulent sea ahead of us. we'll have jobs, meet new people, get married, start families, and all of that will wash away the short 2 years that we lived together. i guess since i'm the girl, i am the sentimental one that will actually feel a bit lonely the last month that i am spending in the apt. by myself. it is kind of sad how fast everything picked up. henry is going to philly, ari is going to michigan, peter's going to the caribbeans, and all the people that i finally really hung out with these last couples of semesters are going to be gone. (except david, however he'll be up here and i'll be in LA) i guess it never struck me as such a big deal until i realized how short of time we have left together. i don't know what is in store for me in the future but i do hope that i can still keep in touch with these friends because they are a lot of fun to hang out with and i know that as they chase their own dreams and i chase my own, life has reached a cornerstone. i don't know why i feel so nostalgic and a little stressed about the path ahead of me...but i do hope that we all manage to obtain what we want in life and maybe get together, play some games, and feel like no time ever passed since the last time we laughed together. it sounds cheesy and lame, but i am sentimental, what can i say...

the last month, i'm going to be living in an unfurnished 2 bedroom apartment, with no tv and just a mattress. by the 14th of august, it will be nothing but an old room for other college students to make their memories, start their own apartment fires, throw their own korean nights, crack watermelons, play guitar hero or caesar IV, and have their own hung over mornings. i should hurry up and finish my thesis so i can get out of there as soon as possible because truthfully, i think i will be the saddest when we all go our separate ways because i have depended on them for sustenance (as they have depended on me), entertainment, and consoled in them in times of distress. well nusira and pudgypaw, thanks for the two years of amusement i wish you guys the best of luck and know that i will still come to bug you when i'm bored. you guys are some of the best roommates a person could have and yeah, let's do it again some time. heh...