unattainable

"Real love is wanting to protect the person you like whenever

they're near and not wanting anything in return."
-Nobu (NANA)

i think that my idea of a perfect relationship is one that is always there. it is something that you can easily fall back on and it will never fade no matter what happens. i think it is a very bad delusion and very naive of me to believe it. i think what drew me to reading/watching NANA was the unattainably of their relationships. the one that idealized was between Yasu and Nana, they had a close relationship and he was always there for her. it was a love that he ended up giving up his own dreams for, however he sacrificed it for his friend. eventually they both moved on with their lives and he could not be kind to her anymore without her being so dependant on him, so it was like she was drowning in the ocean again. but before that, they were great together and that was what kept me interested. i like ren and nana's love, however to me it seems too conventional and after awhile it became trite. he left her to pursue his own dream and made the choice to sing for Reira. i felt it was the ultimate betrayal to her and the two people by her side were Nobu and Yasu. there are a lot of things that get me sucked in for the same wrong reason. X-Files - Mulder/Scully, CSI:NY - Mac/Stella, Gilmore Girls - Luke/Lorelai, CSI - Grissom/Sara. the relationship that's always there to fall back on. i guess to some extent its the friendship kind of love that i admire. they have this perfect trust and even though they may suffer watching the other one go, they know in their hearts that they are always there. my naive hopeless romantic ways will always get the best of me. i think that's the way i see love, and how it should be...something that is ultimately unattainable.

i guess i just want to feel that sense of security, stability, and safety. and someone to believe in me when i want to pursue my dreams and accept me even if i fail. to help me through my journey as well as let me help them through theirs. what is love anyway?

"No matter what I do, I'll still have the fate of a girl
who just keeps getting hurt, wondering if she can ever be
happy in this pointless, one-man show?"