smile like you mean it...

so it's all boiled down to these last few days...my vivid imagination can't even begin to picture what life is going to be like in korea. i have a lack of words to describe that ill feeling i have in my stomach. it's exciting, it's amazing, i'm stoked but at the same time i can't help but feel like i might just need to hang myself over a toilet for awhile.

this is probably one of the biggest steps i've ever taken in my life and i don't even know what to expect. at some point i just wanted to travel and see the world, now i get to live in another part of the world far far from all the comforts of los angeles. my last few weeks in the states has been exciting and i've gotten to hang out with a lot of my friends. part of me wants to cry, other parts of me want to scream, and most of me just can't wait to get out of here. but as i packed up my things i could feel the room begin to feel lonely. i know that sounds weird, but it's like that same feeling i got when i moved out of the apartment. the feeling that churns my stomach when you realize life is never going to be the same again.

i am not just a text away, my friends aren't just down the street when i get bored, i won't speak their language, i can't go out and buy food when i'm hungry, or cook instant dumplings when there really isn't anything to eat. i have to make myself into a teacher, i have to make people interested in the things i have to say, i have to be an authority figure, and i have to earn respect from a whole bunch of new people. but i do get to make new friends, eat new foods, hear new stories, gain more experiences, and see the world for everything it really has to offer. in many ways i feel very adult and in other ways i feel like a child that got seperated from their parents at the supermarket. i really don't know how to feel anymore...just that i'll miss everyone and everything here. remember to write me and i'll have a new blog up for korea. that'll have my address so you can send me stuff :)

http://beyondtheneonlights.blogspot.com

Toodles,
Christine